<img src="art/Eva.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip"> We’re sitting at the kitchen table in our new house, discussing irrelevant topics that have no real purpose. I guess this is my parents’ way of trying to integrate back into our normal lives. I don’t particularly appreciate their insensitivity towards the move. How are they able to act so nonchalant about all of this? The three of us are basically starting over and they don’t seem to care. I finish with my cereal and rinse out the bowl, putting it in the sink before grabbing my backpack and walking out the door. My parents were too caught up in the conversation to notice my disappearance anyways. <img src="art/dining room scene.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip"> I walk to the bus stop across the street and wait. As I stand here, I notice a group of kids walking in my direction. Hopefully, they have a high enough IQ to realize they should keep their distance from me. It’s not that I don’t want to make friends, because I really do, but they don’t seem like my typical crowd. I mean for God’s sake, this girl beside me is wearing stilettos and a dress to school while I’m wearing combat boots and ripped jeans. I think we can all tell that people like me don’t hang out with people like her. The bus finally comes and we line up in an unorderly fashion to get on. As I walk up the stairs, the girl who was standing next to me steps on the back of my shoe, causing me to trip. I turn around on impulse and she says, “Learn to pick up your feet.” Bitch. I roll my eyes and continue walking down the aisle. [[My first day is going great...]] I woke from the turbulence shaking the plane. Unfortunately, I was reminded that we were heading to Michigan from my hometown in California. Who even likes Michigan? As you can tell, I’m pretty upset; I didn’t exactly ask to move 2,500 miles away from my home. [[...]] I’ve only been here for a week, and it’s official, this town is a living hell. The majority of the people here are absolutely awful, and what makes it even worse is that the town only has a population of about five thousand, everyone knows everyone, and it sucks. School here in the academic standpoint really hasn’t been that bad. Most of the teachers are respectful, and the classes aren’t too hard; I like a challenge. School from a social standpoint is what ruins my days. It all originates from one person: Sandra. She’s the cause for a large portion of my distress at this place and she knows it. “Hey Freak!” I hear her shout as she walks to the bus stop. The new nickname is bad enough, but the clicking of her heels hitting the pavement just angers me even more. “I think I finally figured out how you got into this school.” Sandra continues. “Really? And how is that?” I question, in a tired tone, hoping she’ll realize that I’m not in the mood for this right now, or ever. This has been a continuous cycle for the past week, and she still hasn’t seemed to have gotten the hint. “Your mom slept with the principal. Or was it the whole school board? I’ve heard both.” Blood rushes to my cheeks in anger and restrain myself from turning around and punching her, breaking that perfect little nose. Not only was she questioning my intelligence, but she was insulting my family. Bad move. In my head, I picture myself telling her off and defending my mom, but in reality, I know I could never do that. I wish I was that type of person, but I’m basically the exact opposite. I fiddle around with my fingers, and notice something strange. My usually red tone is less vibrant, a little dulled down.Eyebrows pull together and a slight frown etches itself onto my features. “Cat got your tongue?” she cackles. “Shut your mouth, Sandra.” I respond, walking up the stairs of the bus. [[Continue]]I hate to admit it, but Sandra’s comments get to me more than I’d like. After two weeks of her remarks and torture, I’m seriously considering telling someone. I didn’t move 2,500 miles away from my old life just to be tormented by some bitch who can’t mind her own business. But wouldn’t I just seem like a wuss? Like I can’t handle a few snide remarks from a girl who really isn’t worth the time? I should be able to do this on my own, but I’m not sure if I can. [[Handle it on your own]]So there’s a new problem at school. Well, maybe not a problem, but a distraction. This distraction’s name is Derek. As of this moment, he’s the only person that’s actually made an effort to talk to me and get to know me. I don’t think we’re quite friends yet, but I’d like to be. It’d be nice to have an actual friend here. Lately, I’ve really been missing Lola. She was my best friend in California, and now I don’t really have anyone. We talked constantly when I first moved, but that soon faded. After about a week of me being gone, it seems as if she moved on from our friendship. And Sandra has no problem pointing that out. “Aw, does little Eva have no friends?” she asks, walking by and smacking the books out of my hands when she sees I’m alone in the hall. “Oh, whoops.” she smirks, leaving me to clean up the mess she created. [["I'm gonna kill that girl."]] <img src="art/bedroom-scene.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip"> Sitting in my room and listening to music has become a new hobby for me. The sounds of my favorite bands fill my ears as I lay on the floor. Some might say this is wasted time, but I enjoy, so I’ll waste all of the time I want. I mess around with things in my room, doing simple things like just doodling on my hands. I finish up a small drawing of a cat, and when I back up to appreciate my artwork, I notice that the dull red tone of my skin has darkened even more, almost giving me a purple hue. Worried, I get up from the floor and look in the mirror at my vanity. It’s not just in my hands, it’s my whole complexion. [["Why hasn't anyone told me?'']]My alarm goes off for me to wake up and I groan at the sound. Waking up has become more of a chore as the days go by. It’d be better if one day I just didn’t wake up. The thought slightly scares me, but I can’t help but agree. Why even go to school? Why not just stay home and away from people? It’s not as is you like any of those people. It’s true, none of those people are my friends, or even remotely friendly towards me. I think I’ll just pretend the alarm didn’t go off this morning. [[Go on with your day.]]I’ve been sitting around doing schoolwork for the past few hours, and I’m extremely bored. Please, someone distract me. Someone knocks on my door and I flinch in surprise at the fact that my wish was granted. God, was that you? “Come in.” I say, setting my pencil down on my desk. My door opens, my dad entering and sitting on my bed. “Hey, can we talk?” he asks. “Oh, um, sure. What about?” I reply. He takes a deep breath before starting his sentence, and it’s slightly worrying. “Eva, I’ve noticed a change in you lately, and I can’t say I’m not worried. I know this move has been tough for you, it’s been tough for all of us, but it seems to be impacting you more than your mom or I. And after some rummaging around in my thoughts for a while, I think I know why.” he sighs, “I know we haven’t discussed much about my past or life before starting our family, but it seems like it’s come to the point where I should. “When I was around your age, I was diagnosed with seasonal depression. Basically, that meant that in the summer and fall, nothing was wrong. I was happy, fine, and my normal self. But as the seasons changed and fall became winter, my mood drastically differed. I became sad, and for no apparent reason, but as soon as spring transitioned to summer, I was back to my previous self. What I’m trying to get at here is that, I’m pretty certain you inherited my depression. I don’t think it’s the same as mine, or that all of it’s genetic, but I think I rubbed off on you a little more than we thought.” It all makes sense. The color change, the sudden dislike for most activities, the need to constantly sleep. I just thought it was a change in personality, but now I have an actual cause. Am I really depressed though? That term seems a little extreme for just a slight change in how I act. Sure I might be a little different since we moved, but there’s nothing wrong with that. [[Supress the feelings.]]Recently, home has been a constant thought in my head, especially Lola. So, I came to the conclusion that the best way for me to get over it, is to have a reminder of it. I pull my phone out of my pocket and start a new text. To: Lola Hey, it’s been awhile since we talked last, but what are you up to? Anything new? Nothing has really happened with me since we last talked. I miss you and everyone back home though. On the bright side, I’ll be back over summer break to see you guys again. Tell Kyle I said hi. [[Send]]I was expecting to hear back from Lola at the most a day later, but it’s been a week. I’ve texted her a few times since the last message and there’s been no response. I think it’s about time to give up. She’s moved on, and I guess that means I should too. I think I should tell her about the “depression” though, because I’m starting to get worried. I’ve gone from bright firetruck red to a deep plum purple. [[I dont think this is healthy.]] "Just stay in bed; go back to sleep. Nobody needs you today, or any day for that matter. You’re just a waste of space. No one will even notice you’re gone. So what’s the point? We can just lay right here and disappear for awhile," I think. I rest my head in my hands as I sit up in bed. Staring out the window wondering if any one cares. Nobody cares the voice in her head replies why would they you have no friend after all .The hope in her eyes vanishes from her soul the sorrow and sadness returns [[Weep in sorrow with the slightest bit of faith]] [[Reach out for help]][[therapy]], [[pills]] or [[drugs]]Eva meets ever week now with Dr.Smith, her therapist, and becomes a bright shade of red! Brighter than anyone in town! And is finally...happy... The doctor prescribed me anti-depressants and I dont want to take it. I remember hearing this song called, Happy Little Pill, by Troye Sivan. In the song it says “My happy little pill, take me away, dry my eyes, bring color to my skies.” Will that happen to me? Will i finally be, well, happy? I quickly swallow my pills. [[darker shades of blue continue]] The depression and sorrow fills her heart and she thinks, "Is this really the only solution to help me? Is this what I want? To hide from the world shielding everyone out from my true feelings, my sadness and depression? Wherin taking more drugs, I'm supposed to finaly I stop. Stop. Stop... The only true blue girl dies. Macy, my new friend, my "confidence builder", starts to notice my blue-ish outside, but not my black-ish inside. She walks over to comfort me, "Everyone gets blue every once in a while." But what she did not know, was that I was the only one [[sandra approaches]] Sandra, you know how there's that one mean girl, who messes with everyone's differences? This was her. The "She demon" of High school, who points out that I’m blue. The anger and frustration divides me, but I’m to sad to come up with a good comeback. I’m tired of being blue. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. [[ I head out to someone who understands what I’m going through, or can help with my unique differences]] The people who supposedly "understand" that the best recommendation, was to get a doctor...These horrible people didn't understand! I leave in a hurry I go to cut myself. The smooth calm waves of blood drip down my arm, which calms me down, as I cry myself to sleep. Mentally thinking, (sarcastacly), "I cant wait for the.. [[ next day]]" <img src="art/hallway scene.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip"> The "She demon" and Derek notice my cuts. Sandra, the jerk of them all, has the nerve to call me an "Attention whore" and a "Fake" by my classmates. 45 minutes of class time. I’ve been getting notes, and now i’m tired of it. I walk out of class, with my head held high. I walk to sandra’s locker and stand up [[for myself ]] [[mean]] or [[nice]]<img src="art/sandra.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip"> "Sandra are you ok? Is there a reason why you bully people?" Sandra explains herself and everyone is happy, right? Not for Eva. [[turns completely blue]] <img src="art/sandra.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip"> "Why the hell are you messing with me! Just because I have problems, does not mean you talk about me behind my back! Why do you mess with with me- In fact, why do you mess with everybody!? You're not perfect! Nobody is! I don't ever want to hear you or see you mess with anybody ever again! I walk off, causing a big scene and never talk to sandra ever again. Blue. Completely blue. Physically, and emotionally blue. The darkness within has spread to the surface. Now to decide [[medication]], [[deals with problems]] or [[suicide]] She takes her meds and turns completly purple. Not happy, or sad.Eva can't take it anymore, and decides to take matters in her own hands. RIP - Eva (2000 - 2015) Deals with her depression on her own...Eva cries, drowning herself in her own pain and tears.(Back Story) Lola and I were walking to my house right after school. I figured since it was a Friday that maybe she could stay the night at my house. So we walked into the darkness of the living room of my house. Lola and I stumbled around the entrance to find the light switch, and you’d think since I’ve lived here so long I would know where the light is, but I don’t. Anyway, a few minutes later I finally found the light switch, only to be shocked by something certainly surprising. “Surprise!” my family yelled, jumping up from their positions around the room. I jump back and stare at the scene around me. Our friends and family look defeated and a large banner saying “CONGRATULATIONS” is hung up across the back wall. I raise an eyebrow as my mom rushes over to me, “Eva, hide! Sorry, we thought you were your dad.” She grabs Lola and I and pulls us down beside her behind the couch. What are we congratulating? I give Lola a look asking if she knew about this, and she shrugs her shoulders. I would ask my mom, but she seems too consumed in the matter at hand. A minute or so later, the lights flicker again and they repeat the motions. We all yell, “Surprise!” again and watch the excited expression on my dad’s face unravel. He chuckles as my mom runs up and hugs him. He walks over to me and I hug him as well. “I would congratulate you, but I’m not quite sure what I’d be congratulating you for.” I say with a small grin. “Well, I guess you could say this is a surprise for you too. We’re moving!” [[What?]] [[<img src="art/Blue1-another.jpg" alt="image not loaded!" title="Hover tooltip">->Start]]